Guts
by DevilsAdvocateWriter
Summary: Locked away is a story that no one should have heard. Locked away is a girl willing to tell you her story.
1. Chapter 1

This story should last as long as the deepest breath you can take.

**Guts**

I've only let myself walk these halls a few times and I can tell that they will be forever stained into my minds eyes.

These eggshell white walls, the dirty tiled floors they don't let us wear shoes on. The smell of something constantly on fire.

If I ever got out of here with a right set mind I don't think I'd be able to handle it because of these damned hallways.

The hallways that don't look like your average high school hallways, and nothing like prison hallways with bars on either side holding in the dirtiest of criminals.

No, the hallways that hug the mentally unstable and the psychotic inside.

I was put into this place because they thought I couldn't handle normal. I wasn't fit for society for the things that I've done.

So I'm here. In a goddamn psychiatric ward.

I don't have a mental illness. I'm not sick. I just did something that most people wouldn't have the balls to do.

You want to know something? I don't regret a minute of it.

I think about it every time I close my eyes. The tears and blood mixing together to make a beautiful swirl. How he tried so hard to let me let him go.

I don't give mercy to those who treat others like dirt. I don't do second chances.

Lets get this straight. I didn't kill anybody. I have never had the intention on killing anyone.

Anyways…

People do not change, and you'll learn that quickly in life. Cheaters stay cheaters.

Perfectionists won't stop till they get that last ounce of ecstasy from the Botox they inject into their faces. Addicts will always be jonesing for the next fix.

Its how we grew up, its conditioned. It will not leave the body.

For the rapists, the pedophiles, and the abusers? They should never get a second chance.

If I had it my way, they'd all be booted off somewhere on a island undiscovered and left with no food or water.

Just the survival instincts they think they have until one by one they all drop dead.

Enough about my opinion on things, time to tell you more about who I am and what I've done to deserve the place I've been sent to.

I'm Bella Swan. I'm nineteen years old, going on twenty this September.

Only child of Charlie and Renee Swan. My parents divorced and moved away. I went with my mom and then my soon-to-be step-father Phil came to the picture.

Phil was an okay guy, treated my mother and I amazingly. I didn't want to stay there. I hadn't seen my dad in I don't know how long.

So I moved to Forks, Washington where he resided. I met a lot of new friends, moving to Forks.

Jessica, Eric, Angela, Tyler. I became friends with Jacob Black, an old friend of my dad's kid.

This group of people kept me, in my mind, sane. Everyday we'd have adventures at La Push beach.

Swimming was optional, only because it was always cold and rainy. We'd have bonfires and we'd go to see movies. Normal teenaged things.

My senior year, a new group of kids joined our school. The Cullen Clan people would like to call them.

They were perfect in every aspect I could see.

Every day they'd come into school looking like models right off the damn runway.

Right off the bat it wasn't a good first impression. If you look like you're too good for everyone, you probably think you're too good for everyone.

I'm not cool with that.

What would you know? One of the Cullen's were in my biology class.

Surprise, surprise.

His name, Edward. He didn't talk to me for the first few weeks. I don't blame him. A plain looking girl talking to a hunky model?

Oh, _never_.

Eventually he talked to me. He asked me a question about our project we were partnered on. Of course I answered his simple question.

Sorry. I am, for some reason, amazing at biology. I just get the stuff, you know?

Weeks went on and we became alright-friends. He introduced me to _the clan_.

Emmet, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie. They weren't bad. Before you knew it, all my La Push gang and the clan became conjoined.

This is where I should probably end this summary of my so-called life. I can't really concentrate right now.

I get this weird itching in the back of my neck every time I feel an anger pain, as I like to call them, come on.

I just get frustrated for no reason and start scratching at things and punching random objects I can find within reach.

So…I guess you could say I'm not right in the head.

But I haven't told you enough for you to believe that I'm insane. Do I want you to think I'm an insane crazy bitch?

**Hell no**.

I'm as normal as they'd like me to get. Everyone's 'normal' in their eyes.

I just want to show you my side of the story and the events leading up to it for you to understand everything rationally.

You think only crazy people talk to themselves?

**No way**.

You wonder things. You think, don't you? Well, in a way you are talking to yourself. Maybe not verbally, but the things your saying in your mind are thoughts.

Words are thoughts.

I just want to make sure people don't think I'm crazy for talking to myself.

The itching again, _shit_.

I've been clawing at this damn ankle bracelet they've got on me for weeks now. It has so many marks and scoffs from running it against the walls and banging it on bed posts.

I have the worst bruises on that ankle. I just don't like jewelry, of any kind, on my body.

I hate necklaces, rings, bracelets. They don't feel right on my skin.

This is just a piece of jewelry I cannot take off.

I'm rambling. I do that too much. I ramble my thoughts so much, they don't switch off.

In this room they have me in, I only have a bed and a barred window. A sink over in the corner for some water. No toilet.

Bastards.

I'll hold it till my kidneys begin to rip at the seems and then I'd piss myself. I've pissed my bed so many times in hopes they'd move me into a room with a goddamn toilet.

They refuse, I keep pissing.

Cooperation never works here and neither does refusal. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I hope you enjoy this story because it'll only be told once. Maybe I won't be around to tell it again?

One way or another, it will be heard. You won't forget it. Hell knows I can't forget it.

I guess I just need to get it out so that it's a weight off my shoulders. A few pounds couldn't hurt, could it...?

* * *

A/N: R&R! Should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

That breath you took before? Make it deeper.

**Guts**

Drip.

Drop.

I've been hearing the same goddamn thing for an hour now. My faucet is loose.

Drop.

That sound aggravates the hell out of me and I can't do anything about it.

Laying on my bed, my feet up against the wall in the air. My pillows covering my face and I can still hear it.

Drip.

Drip.

"Son of a BITCH."

I bang my feet against the wall, start groaning and humming but I couldn't get the sound out of my head. The dripping didn't start till last night. I assume it's the trigger to my anger pains of the day.

Scritch.

Scratch.

My nails kneed into my skin as I feel my chest tighten. I squeeze my eyes shut and push my pillow as hard as I can against my face.

Then I scream. I scream harder then I have in a while.

These past few weeks have been hell for me, its time the anger somewhat leaked out of my system.

The anklet was scratching my skin in a horrible way so I start hitting my heel where the detector is against the wall. Slamming and banging and marking the hell out of that plastic piece of shit until-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I take my pillow off my head and look at my ankle. The black cartridge was broken and the pieces fell all over the bed.

It was broken off, but still making noise.

Shit.

What if that notifies _them_. Sets off the alarm and they are running over to my room right now to beat the shit out of me.

At least this took my mind off that damn faucet.

I sit up in my bed and pulled off the rest of the bracelet.

My poor ankle.

It was so bruised and swollen from all the times I've tried to get this thing off. I'd forgotten what my ankles look like without it on.

It felt so much better, like I could breathe easier or something.

I take the cartridge and start smashing it against the bed post to make it shut up. The beeping seemed to get louder and the louder it got the more paranoid I was that the nurses would barge in here and flip out.

Eventually the light stopped flashing and the beeping quit. I sit down on the floor panting a little from all the effort put into smashing that shit.

BZZZZZ

CER-CLINK

The door to my room swings open and my supervisor walks in with two body guards behind her. She looks around the room and then her eyes fix on me. The body guards walk over with both hands held out, offering assistance.

No use in refusing, I'd just get hurt if I did.

I outstretch my arms to them and they each took a hand, helping me up to my feet. As my supervisor waltzes over to me, one of the body guards take both my wrists and pin them behind my back.

Looking me up and down, deep into my eyes and my hair, my supervisor, Shannon, asks me-

"We've been taking our medicine, haven't we, Bella?"

I nod, slowly.

I loathe talking to the people who work here. Why would anyone want a job working with crazy people? I wouldn't, they'd get on my damned nerves too much.

I swear I'm the sanest person being kept in this place. I don't do the things the other people do in here.

The girl two rooms down from me, Samantha, every night you can hear her screaming on the top of her lungs for hours on end. I stopped caring after the first week.

Now it just puts me to sleep.

Randal, this guy in one of the supervised rooms, has to have this weird gloves over his hands all the time because he'll pull off his nails and try to stick them in any orifice he can find on you. He talks about how his wife is cooking him dinner and she needs him to help, but he can't do it without his cooking gloves, so he pleads for the guards to take the gloves he has off.

I swear, some fuckin' people.

My supervisor makes a weird face and kneels down to see my feet.

"I know you don't like the anklets, darling, but we need to have them on you at all times. Its just a rule around here, you understand, sweetie. Well, it was bound to happen soon anyways. You were just itching to get that off, weren't you?"

Her British-Australian-whatever accent bugs the shit out of me. The way she calls me all those cutesy pet names doesn't help much either.

She gets back up and writes something down on her clip board, "We'll just get you another one, maybe stronger this time if we can find one."

I just looked away from her. I don't do well with authoritative figures. Cops, lawyers, parents.

They don't _slide_ well with me.

My supervisor smiles at me before patting my shoulder and turning to go. The body guard that was holding my wrists together let me go as soon as she walks out of the room.

My door buzzes shut, and they were gone.

I sit back on my bed and rest my back against the wall, leaning over and rubbing my sore ankle. Swollen and puffy, stings to the touch. I let it go and hang it off the side of my bed.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath in, I think of how everyone at home is doing. How their lives have changed because of me. I let the breath out and looked out my window.

I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to hurt my mother or my father. My friends, or anyone else for that matter.

Just _him_.

I bet you're wondering how I got in here. What could a nineteen year old girl do to be put in the loony bin?

Do you want the long story or short?

I'm assuming short, but guessing you want all the gory details, we'll take the long road.

I'll catch you up to make it less boring and get you to the good-or bad-part.

Jacob, Edward and Emmet became best friends. Rosalie, Alice and I were inseparable. We all would be together no matter what. Parties, family get-togethers, random road trips and what not.

Edward and I got close and started dating. It was funny, because Jake and Alice soon after became a couple, as did Rosalie and Emmet.

In a strange way we all worked out perfectly together. It was about four or five months into mine and Edward's relationship that things began to get a little rocky. He was more aggressive and became a jerk. I didn't understand why he was acting so strange, just the testosterone I guessed.

I let it slide, knowing it was probably just a phase. He was probably just showing off to be a guy's guy.

That wasn't the case though. Before long everything between us was different.

It started one night when I was over his house…

* * *

March 12.

32 days before the accident.

* * *

Edward was on his bed reading a magazine. I was laying at his feet on my laptop doing research for my English paper that was due in a week. We'd just come home from the movies, had a little argument in the car about what some girl had said to him the week previous.

"I'd take care of you better than that bitch, Bella." She said.

He told me he didn't even let it bother him, but it sure as hell bothered me. I asked who she was and of course he wouldn't give a name. We almost had to pull the car over because he got so frustrated with me.

As I was doing my research, I still couldn't brush what she said off my shoulder. How do I not take care of my boyfriend?

I do everything for him. Laundry, cook him dinner once in a while, buy him things now and again. Take his car to get worked on when he needs it.

I'm practically his wife!

Edward looked down at me, nudging my shoulder with the heel of his foot.

"Hm?"

"Workin' hard or hardly workin'?" He asked me. I didn't respond, I was working on reading this sentence over and over in my head to try to make sense of it.

He nudged me again, again I didn't answer.

"…Babe?"

"What?" I spat. He retracted his heel and glared at me. I looked at him in my peripheral and sighed.

"I'm sorry, this sentence is just frustrating me, I keep reading and reading it but its not making sense in my head what its saying."

"Read it out loud if that helps." Edward suggested.

"As the fermentation process in the tank continued to produce carbon monoxide, the pressure inside continued to build, causing the cracks within the tank to expand."

Edward just stared as I thought it over again in my head, then he must have seen the light bulb above my head light up and smiled.

"Told you it would work. What's your project on anyways?"

"'The Boston Molassacre'." I told him. He nodded and went back to his GQ mag.

I needed a break horribly.

I saved my work on Word and closed the window down, shutting my laptop and sliding it away from my face.

"I'm so tired of school already." I groaned and clunked my head down on the sheets, drawing a big breath in and out.

"Two more months, Babe. Then we're done for good." His voice settled me. I sat up and climbed next to him, resting my head on his chest and laying my arm over his stomach.

"Are you excited to go away for a week after we graduate?" I asked. He nodded, not taking his eyes off his magazine.

"Hey," I poked his tummy, "answer me!"

"I'm excited. Calm down." He said in a monotone voice.

"You're a butt hole."

"Grow up." He retorted. I frowned up at him.

"What the hell is your problem?" This attitude was pissing me off. He's been an ass since we got in the car.

"Nothing, babe. I'm reading right now. Go do your paper." He ordered.

Whatever.

I got up and slide myself off his bed, taking my laptop and putting it in the sleeve. I grabbed my keys out of my purse and picked everything up, heading to his door.

"Where are you going?" He asked, finally setting his magazine down.

"You don't seem like you want me here, I'm going home." I answered innocently. He raised an eyebrow up and threw his magazine on the floor next to his bed. He got up and walked over to me, grabbing my things from my shoulders and setting them down next to his night table.

"You're not leaving, its too early. I'm sorry, I was reading an article. Just don't go, okay? Lay with me." He pleaded. I couldn't say no, but I always back down from these arguments. That got my fire aflame.

"Edward, you've been in these pissy moods lately. Every night we'll get in a fight and then make up; then get into another damn fight. And you know what? I'm sick and tired of it."

I think that was reasonable enough.

He got this weird expression on his face and crossed his arms across his chest. "What pissy mood?"

"This mood. All defensive and dick-ish. I'm tired of it. I'm tired in general, I just want to sleep." I sighed. He wasn't buying it, he just stood there.

"That's not fair, Bella. I asked you to stay, there's no reason you can't lay down for a while and then go home later." Now he's just arguing to argue.

"No." I stated bluntly.

"Yes."

I looked at him in disbelief, backed up and gathered my things again.

"I'm leaving, goodnight." Edward rushed in front of me and slammed his door shut. Turning and leaning against the door, his arms back across his chest, he glared down at me.

"If I want you to stay, then you're staying. Put your shit down and get on the bed." He demanded.

Oh _hell _no.

"Are you fucking serious? Do you really want to do this right now? I'm leaving, Edward. Let me leave."

He didn't budge. I walked up to him and tried to push him past the door but he's like a rock. I couldn't get past him.

"Move." I growled.

"No."

"Edward if you don't move in five seconds, I'll call your mom and tell her to come up here and make you move." I threatened. He just smirked and rolled his eyes.

"Go cry to my mommy, Bella. You can't get yours so you have to go to mine. Don't pull that shit."

"ExCUSE me!" I yelled.

I was **furious**.

My face was pulled down into the deadliest glare I could give.

"You heard me. I'm sick of you running to my mom whenever we have a problem. She always wines in my ear about how you'd tell her this and that. Just shut the fuck up, okay? This is OUR relationship, NOT hers."

Mother fucker. I set my things down and smacked him across the face.

"How DARE you talk to me like that. You goddamn pig, fuck you." I said through clenched teeth.

Edward's eyes got dark, his face got heated. He didn't look to happy.

He pushed himself off the door and pushed his chest into my face, backing me up and not stopping until I fell back onto the bed. He reached down and held his hand on my collar bone, pressing me into the bed.

When he raised his hand back, I knew what was coming next. I snapped my eyes shut and the pain hit me harder then a flying bus.

That slap across the face felt horrible, demeaning and disgusting. I laid there, my cheek burning and my eyes watering up. My throat became tight and I started choking back the tears.

Edward moved back off of me and stood there, glaring.

"Do not talk to me like that. And if you ever hit me again, you'll be damn sorry, bitch." He snarled.

Edward turned sharply on his heel and stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind him. My tears were filling a little dent in his bed where my elbow was pressing into in.

I couldn't move, I was in too much shock. I laid there and sobbed my eyes out, the hurt of the smack and his words were too much to handle right now.

Why- how could he do that to me? He's never gotten physical with me, ever.

I finally got the strength to sit up and wipe my watery, puffy eyes.

This just doesn't make sense. I know he's been in a weird mood lately, but I didn't know I could pissed him off enough for him to actually hit me.

I grabbed all of my belongings, snatched my keys that were on the floor and slowly walked out of his room. I didn't know where Edward was, so I tried to stay as quiet as I could leaving his house. When I walked out into the driveway, his car was gone.

Thank god. I hopped in my car, took a few deep breaths before starting it up and backed out of his driveway.

* * *

That car ride home was one of the worst I've ever had.

When something that traumatic happens to you, you don't know what to think.

I didn't talk to Edward for a few days after that.

I couldn't.

I didn't know what to say to him. He didn't try to get in touch with me, so I only guessed that he was upset as well.

If you're ever in a situation where your boyfriend smacks you, it's a huge warning sign to get the fuck out of that relationship.

Smacking leads to hitting, which leads to punching and kicking, which leads to worse things.

I slide off my bed and walk over to the sink where I turn the faucet on and splash water into my face a few times.

I'm exhausted, I have my productive cooperation class in a while and I want to take a nap before having to sit in a room full of bat shit crazy people talking out their problems.

Fuckin' crazy assholes.

I walk back to my bed and lay down. I shut my eyes, start tossing and turning till I get in a good comfortable position.

My body finally feels at ease, except for the throbbing pain in my ankle. I wonder when I'll get a new anklet, hopefully not for a while.

This shit needs to heal before anything goes back on it.

It doesn't take long till I feel myself softly slipping into a nice sleep.

BZZZZZ

CER-CLANK

"Its time for class, Bella."

* * *

A/N: I can't stop thinking about this story, I'm so excited about it. Please tell your friends to read it, I hope you guys enjoyed it so far!


	3. Chapter 3

"Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a why. Maybe somewhere there's that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen."

**Guts**

It manifests itself as a kind of hunger that I yearn, but can't. I try not to think about it for long, but once it pops up in my mind I can't stop it.

I feed on the pain. I'll lick it up with pride.

Like a rabid animal, one who's on the chase and ready for the kill, I'll swoop in and snatch whatever dignity you have.

"Its been two months and four days since I got here."The supervisor writes everything I say down, or at least it looked like it. The others who were sitting in the room looked either burned out, shaken up, or ready to strangle somebody.

The guards at the doors, their scrubs and muscles looking awkward, probably weren't paying attention. Just waiting for someone to snap. They only care about violence.

"We haven't talked about it yet, Isabella-"

"Bella…it's Bella." I corrected. She nods.

"Bella. We haven't talked about why you're here yet. Care to tell us?"

My palms start to sweat. I'm itching at my side, the feeling both irritating and comfortable. She knows damn well why I'm here, she just wants me to share it.

"Because of my boyfriend." I call out.

"What did he do?" She muses.

The itching got harder, deeper into my raw skin.

"He hurt me, it was only fair I hurt him back." I say with my head held high.

No regrets.

She nods and takes notes. One of the patients who's in my group is just STARING at me. Not even trying to be delusive about it either. He's sitting across the room from me and just gawks like he wants to keep the mental image of me burned into his head.

"I did the right thing, just not in the right way I guess." I add.

"Why don't you feel you did it in the right way, Bella?" The supervisor is grilling me and I know the questions aren't going to stop there.

I put my hands in my lap and start to pull and twist on my index finger.

"If I had done it the right way I don't think I'd be here."

Nod and notes. The guy who's staring sneers, the sneer turned into a giggle, which turned into laughter.

I raise an eyebrow up at him and scoffed.

"What's so funny?" I ask him.

He stops laughing and goes back into his staring trance. Those blue eyes pierced my face, I could feel my cheeks burning up.

"You're too innocent to be here, sweetie." He remarks. I scowl and look down at my hands. My index finger was purple at this point so I tried my best to stop.

Fuck, I hated group therapy.

"Well Bella it says here that you have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Have you always been dealing with this or…?"

I feel embarrassed. I feel like I'm naked in this room full of lunatics.

"After the accident-"

"What accident?" The creepy gawker asks me.

"Mind your own fucking business." I shout to him.

"You're the one with the spotlight over your head, not me, princess." He sneers.

"Go fuck yourself!" I bark louder.

"Bella, calm yourself. Anthony, stop antagonizing her." The supervisor orders.

Good, at least someone's on my side.

Sort of.

"I'd love to, but I'd much rather get a feel for that tight cunt you have." Anthony's voice was like nails on a chalkboard to my ears.

This wasn't over.

I get up and run at him, my arms extended and head down like a bull ready to buck. I grab onto his shirt and push him back in his chair which makes him fall backwards to the floor. My eyes went blank as my nails to dig into his chest as I smack and punch his face. I could only feel the pleasure in my body heighten as I start thrashing on him. I've needed this for a long time, to hurt someone who wasn't myself.

His whimpers and pleads sound good to my ears.

Just like before…

"HEY!" Shouted the supervisor.

The guards run over and pick me up off of Anthony who's curled up and holding his hands over his face.

"GET THAT CRAZY BITCH OUT OF HERE!" he screams. Everyone in the room is watching with wide eyes, happy to see some drama that doesn't involve them.

Closest thing you can get to reality TV around here.

One guard pulls me over his shoulder and walks to the door. I'm kicking and screaming, clawing and biting at anything I can latch onto.

"I HOPE YOU DIE ASSHOLE!" I bellow in Anthony's general direction. The door to the group shuts and the guards rush me down the hallway.

"We've got a patient here who started a quarrel in B108. Isabella Swan." The guard who's walking in front of us announces on his walky-talky.

"Bring her to office B3." A voice replies.

I'm getting a little tired of screaming, so I quit that. I'm hung over this hulk of a mans shoulder, just dangling for a while before we get to the office. The door opens and we step in. I'm thrown onto a padded table and immediately strapped down.

I put up a fight, wrestling with the guards to get out of their grasp to not be put in restraints, but its useless.

They win.

I'm strapped into the table with three restraints over me. I cannot move an inch and they're too tight.

This sucks so bad.

Shannon, my supervisor, walks into the room with a not-so-happy-to-see-me look on her face.

"We know better than to start fights around here, Isabella." She lectures.

We this.

We that.

This bitch isn't doing anything with me, what's with the third person crap?

Shannon walks over to a cabinet and pulls down a pill box and a syringe. She opens up the pill box and takes out two pills, covers the box back up and puts it where it was in the cabinet. She takes something that looks like a mallet and hammers the two pills till they're white powder.

She gets another little box out of the cabinet and pulls out a little bottle of clear liquid, scoops the crushed up pills and funnels them with her hand into the liquid.

"What the fuck are you doing." I gripe. These restraints are really starting to bug me. I bet I'll have bruises after this.

Shannon shakes up the bottle, takes the syringe and strikes it into the top. She pushes down on the top and then pulls it back, popping it out of the top of the bottle.

"You know the consequences for crude behavior around here." She walks over to me, finds a spot on my arm and pushes the syringe in. I wince in pain, the cool liquid flowing into my veins makes me shiver.

"Take that out of me." I snarl. She does as quickly as I told her to and throws it in the trash can.

"Fuck you and your Australian accent, bitch." I remember saying before everything went black.

* * *

March 19

25 days before the accident

* * *

I invited Rosalie and Alice over for some girl time a few nights after my incident with Edward. Him and I haven't spoken since and I started to grow a little worried. So instead of talking to him, I went to my girlfriends for advice.

We've sat ourselves down in my living room, Rose turns on the latest episode of House Hunters while Alice and I tune out the noise with our conversation.

"Bella, I have no idea what's going on through Edward's head. Why the hell would he hit you?" Alice shrieked when I told her the news.

"I don't know, Alice. It was horrifying. We got into a fight, he forced me on his bed and then he smacked me. It was like he turned into a different person right before my eyes…"

"Then what happened?" Alice scooted so close to me I could smell her breath.

"I cried." I spat, taking a breath, "I laid there and cried. Then I got up and left and when I went to my car, his was already out of the driveway." I could see it in front of my eyes like I was watching a movie.

Rose wasn't saying a word, her eyes were glued to the television like we weren't even in the room. I looked over at her and her face was a blank slate.

"Rose?" My voice echoed to her. She snapped out of her mindless state and turned her head towards me.

"Can you listen, please?" I asked. She picked the remote up and turned the volume down so it was only a quiet whisper. Charlie was out on a call, so he wouldn't be back till the middle of the night.

I hadn't told him about what happened.

I was afraid to.

"He hit you?" Rose repeated. Alice nodded her head and Rose looked down at the floor.

"Wow." Was all she could say.

I looked at her in awe. She could care less that Edward hit me.

"You act like it's not even a big deal." I accused.

"It's a big deal, Bella. Its just I've known him for a long time and he has his moments, yaknow?"

"He has his moments where he lashes out on people?" I sat in disbelief. Alice's eyes were locked to Rosalie's like they were talking to each other through their thoughts.

"No, I didn't say that. I'm just saying…well he's a guy. He has his times where he gets his mind too high and he feels like he's not being manly enough so he shows off and proves himself…" She rambled. I wasn't understanding what she was saying.

"I still don't understand." I confessed. Rosalie huffed, sat up on the couch and turned her body to face me.

"I don't know how many times him and Emmet have gotten into brawls about the dumbest shit. He probably lost control and didn't know what he was doing. Ever think of that?"

No…I guess I didn't. That's still no excuse for his behavior towards me! He's never acted like that with me, I didn't understand why it had to randomly happen now. I guess the more comfortable you are in a relationship the more you get to know someone.

Flaws and all.

"Bella, you need to talk to him. You need to ask him why he acted like that." Alice chirped.

"I'm not calling him." I announced. They both looked at me like I grew another head.

"Call him." Rosalie pushed, picked my phone up and threw it in my lap. I sat for a second just looking at my phone.

Should I call him?

What would I say?

What if we get into another fight?

What if this gets worse…

"Fuck it." I picked my phone up, dialed his number and waited.

…

..

.

"Hello?" Edward's voice answered.

Oh god. He answered.

What do I say?

Do I act normal, like nothing happened?

Do I act pissed?

"Hey sweetie." I said innocently.

"What's up?" He asked. I guess he's over the whole thing.

"Not a lot, Alice and Rosalie are over. I haven't talked to you in a while…how are you?" Alice and Rose's eyes didn't leave mine as I was on the phone. They saw the fear in my body language, they knew I was having a mini panic attack in my head.

"Fine, just with the guys."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say.

How do I bring it up?

I shut my eyes and rushed past my fear. "I need to talk to you."

Silence.

"About the other night?" Oh, so he does remember.

"Yeah." My breathing started to quicken, Alice put her hand on my thigh for reassurance that I was doing fine.

"We just had a fight, babe. No need to get so worked up." He said it like it was alright to hit your girlfriend.

"Edward, that wasn't a fight. We got physical. You pushed me on your bed and smacked me!" My voice started to rise, I was getting too heated up.

"It slipped. I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again." He said he was sorry, but the way he's acting made it seem different.

"What the fuck, Edward. You slipped? Seriously? You don't hit your girlfriend. Nobody should hit their girlfriend."

"So it makes it okay that you hit me first?" He claimed.

"No, it doesn't. But you weren't letting me out of your room. You told me to shut the fuck up and stop talking to your mom. I was pissed. I didn't back you up on my bed and look like I was going to kill you." I got up off the couch and started pacing across the floor.

Rosalie and Alice watched me like two dogs locking eyes on a treat.

"I wasn't going to kill you-"

"YOU LOOKED LIKE IT!" I yelled.

"You just talk to my mom about everything. I know you don't confide in your dad and you don't get to talk to your mom that much because her phone is always dead, but do you realize all the things you tell my mother comes back to me? I get bitched at because I'm the one who looks like the evil child in this relationship."

"You're calling me evil?" I squealed.

"NO!" I heard shuffling on is end and a door shut, "I don't like looking like a dick in front of my mother. My girlfriend doesn't need to report to her like she's the police, okay?" He was so stern, it was like I was talking to my father.

"You could have just told me instead of saying it that way." My voice got quiet and I felt scared.

"Just think before you do shit."

"Why are you treating me like this!" I panicked.

"Like WHAT?" He yelled into the phone. I didn't have time to think, I just talked.

"Like I'm your child all of a sudden. You tell me to grow up, stop talking to your mom, stop worrying about so much shit, to shut the fuck up! What am I supposed to do when you put me in this situation? I don't want to be treated like this, Edward! I don't!" I was about to cry when I heard him let out a small sob on the phone.

"…Edward?" My voice cracked.

"Let me see you." He said in a soft voice. I felt repulsive.

I needed to see him, I missed him so much.

"Alright." I agreed. I hung the phone up and turned to Alice and Rose.

"I'm going to go meet up with him." I said with my eyes fixed on my feet.

"Do you want us to stay here and wait for you…?" Rose asked, looking uneasy.

"If you could? You guys will be fine, right? Charlie won't be home for a long time so you won't have to worry about him. I won't be gone long, but if anyone calls don't answer the phone-"

"Yeah, we know, we know. Just go work things out with your man!" Alice cheered and threw my keys at me. I caught them and smiled, something I hadn't done in a while.

I walked out the door and ran to my car, unlocking it and jumping in. I pulled my phone out to text Edward where to meet me but he already text me to meet him in the park near his house.

I started my car and sped off.

I wanted so bad to work things out with Edward. He was my love, the one I thought I could see myself with for a while. I got to that age where I knew what I wanted in life. I wanted to get married and have kids. Wanted an old Victorian house on a hill with a dog and a pool. I wanted the dream. Edward was going to be apart of that. Every morning I'd make him and the kids breakfast. I'd help our kids get dressed, send them off to school and come home to my beautiful husband. We'd fall in each others arms, embrace and love. He'd tell me I'm his only one and I'd tell him there was no one else for me.

I love him. If I lost him, I myself would be lost.

He's what I think about when I wake up, what I think of before I sleep and what I dream of. My heart and soul.

When we first started dating I never thought I'd fall for him like this. I never thought I could love someone so much, on account I'd only had one previous boyfriend before him. It was such a new feeling to me, I loved it.

I thought of my favorite song lyric, which always made sense in my mind.

_Romeo and Juliet are together in eternity. We can be like they are, come on baby. Don't fear the reaper._

I drove to the park and saw his car sitting under the lamp. It was still on and running, I drove up next to him and saw him on his iPod. He looked up and saw me, gave me that smile that I knew and loved. I turned my car off and got out.

He turned his car off and got out. He looked different to me in this light. He loomed, he looked sick.

He was sad.

I walked up to him and put my arms around him, my face burried into his chest. I breathed him in, his scent was like my fix for the day. I missed the way his body felt against mine. His arms, a sheild of love and protection.

"I'm so sorry." He admitted. I couldn't hold it in, I let out a garbled sob and almost hyperventilated. He pulled away from me and looked down at me, kissing my forehead. He dropped some tears as well, our salty mess mixing together.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I couldn't handle myself after I did that. I left and went over to Jake's house, crying. I was too scared to talk to you. I'm so sorry, Bella." He rambled. He was all choked up.

Here we were, two messed up people fighting for the common thing most people fight for. We wouldn't let our arguments take us over. We'd work them out, making them into a thing of the past and become higher from them.

He pulled my chin up and planted his lips onto mine. Locked them there, where they should be. I felt the electricity of the kiss soar through me. The need and the hurt that was behind it. I pulled my arms up from his stomach to around his neck, reeling closer.

The lips, they were in motion.

The tongues, they were daintily fighting.

The hearts, their beat was growing and growing.

Edward let the kiss end and gazed deep into my widened eyes. His eyes, the golden shimmer in them, made my knees into putty.

"I'll never hurt you again." Edward whispers to me.

We sat there for a while, talking and joking. Things were back to normal, the world was back in rotation. We left on a good note, he invited me over his house for dinner in a week and I gladly agreed.

Sitting with his family would be the best thing for us. Having adult conversations, future talk and what not. It was so exciting.

I drove back to my house in a calm piece of mind. Everything was gonna be okay. He was genuinely sorry, he didn't mean to hurt me.

I believed Edward. I knew he didn't want to hurt me. I knew he just took something too far and it was a horrible slip up.

We promised not to fight like that anymore. We said we'd never have a horrible argument like that again. It was a one time thing, and we'd just laugh about it later.

I came home to see that Rose and Alice were dead asleep on my bed. Cuddled together under my covers, they were the two cutest bed bugs I'd ever seen.

They were up all night waiting for me, it was already three in the morning. I went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, and went back into my room. I put on some shorts and a cami before going over to my bed to finally fall asleep.

I woke Rose up to make her move over. She groggily scooted Alice over who just huddled back up into her ball and went back to sleep on the edge of the bed. Pushing myself into the bed, snuggling up with Rose and pulling the covers over ourselves. I closed my eyes, happy to know everything was okay now.

"I'm guessing it went well?" Rose murmured into my arm. I smiled inwardly to myself, the glowing feeling still shining.

"Everything is perfect."

* * *

A/N: I'm happy to see people excited about the story. Keep reading, tell your friends about it as well. Keep reviewing!


	4. NOTICE

**NOTICE!**

**i'm not taking Guts down, i'm editing what i have.**

**i didn't get into Bella's mind as much as i wanted, and i wanted the chapters to be longer and more detailed. **

**i don't know when the revised chapters will be up, but i'll let everyone know. **

**no more new chapters till i have redone what i've got. **

**thank you, and be excited! (:**


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